Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
