Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm always down for nudity.
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