i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
