Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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