my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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