I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
