Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
