I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize