I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
