And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
