grandma shit on top of the toilet
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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