I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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