i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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