Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
