Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
