He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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