So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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