I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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