Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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