i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
