I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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