The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
