I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
