im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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