dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
