I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
