if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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