She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize