OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You made out with two different species that night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
