eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
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I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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