my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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