TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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