are you so shy because you have an std?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
