Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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