we're blogging at a bar
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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