I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
