I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
