guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize