yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
