Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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