White coat. Heels.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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