he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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