she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
