New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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