Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
