hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
