Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
