drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
