Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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