I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
