I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
