As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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