fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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