"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
