I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
