Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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