I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
how drunk are you?
Several
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
