How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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