Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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