Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
