I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
