i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
